I know the word can have many meanings. For me lately I have had a lot of them.
First, we are getting ready to have another baby. Not that I haven't done it before, but just the sheer knowing its getting closer and I just don't seem ready yet.
Next, we found out from our landlords that they will not be renting our house after our lease is up. (don't know what that is about but Brent and I have our thoughts)
We were looking at maybe finding a place with cheaper rent, but now we have to look. Nothing like that to get you worked up.
Living in limbo, not knowing where we are going to be living scares me. I am such a planner I know, but I have people who have bought tickets to come out for the baptism for Caroline and blessing of the new baby girl. I need to know where to tell them to come. Brents parents will be coming down too, so I need to tell them where to look to stay.
(this has partly been remedied. We found a house but we haven't signed a contract yet)
Brent's job, he hasn't heard anything official, but he sees things. He knows things. He just has that intuition and I don't like when he doesn't know what's going on.
Calling. I am in the RS presidency. For the most part our presidency works so great. I feel like sometimes I am letting them down though with my lack of things to do. I am in charge of planning out our activities and I am over the new YSA's that come into RS. I love both of these items and I conduct every 3 months and teach once in 3 months. Not a bad calling at all. But I feel like I am just letting them down. They haven't said anything and I know it's in my head, but I just can't shake the feeling.
Kids. To put it plainly, I am worried that I am not doing everything I can do for their education. Abbey has about 2 hours of homework every night. NOT Joking. Every night. Hunter, Love the child is so self sufficient and I feel like he gets left out of the attention because he knows so much. Caroline has really good homework days and really tired "I just want to rest for a while" days. I never know which one is coming home so on good days we get as much homework for the week done we can. With the stupid FCAT coming up, there is so much pressure placed on the kids and I don't want to pressure them. I keep telling them that either you know it, or you don't. I want you to do your best and that is all I expect. But for Craig children, they put so much pressure on themselves. I just don't know how to handle it all sometimes.
There is light at the end of my anxious tunnel though. FCAT will be over soon, we will have a place to move into, our new baby will be born and home, and family will be coming to visit. RS is something I will just have to do everything I can to make sure I am not letting the sisters down. Visiting the sick and elderly more, making some dinners or just calling to check up on them. I really do feel a love for the sisters, I just hope they know that.
Okay enough pity party for one night. Time to kick start the new year with renewed look on life:)
7 years ago
3 comments:
I think we all feel that way from time to time in one way or another. Changes of the unknown have never been your thing.. Just roll with things you best you can. Everthing tends to work themselves out.
I think your fabulous and really what matters after that?!
Hormones are like ants. As much as you wish to ignore them, they're there, and they bug you, (no pun inteded). Most of these worries I think are giving you more anxiety than usual because of the hormones. Good news! By the time the hormones let up, these problems will be gone. You'll be in a new house, have a sweet little baby you'll wonder how you ever lived without, testing at school will be over making your relationship with your big kids so much easier, and you'll be so busy adjusting to the life of a mommy of 5, that RS will comparitively seem like a breeze (again, no pun intended)!
If I had your energy I could accomplish so much more in my life. Wait - how do you handle everything and everyone in your life? You put way too much pressure on yourself. You may teach once in 3 months, but the lessons you teach are AWESOME!!! Somebody may need to have you fill in once in a while. Your planned activities are exciting and the rest of us are there for you to delegate and use (order around) to get the ball rolling. I'm not worried about RS because you and April and Carla take wonderful care of everything.
But for goodness sakes, where is the house? Still in the branch? If not, that would be a misfortune of catastrophic nature. Why? Well, for me. you and Brent are two of the most giving, loving, non-judgmental people I know. You even let me hang out just the way I am.
Take a deep breath......Now exhale. Do it again, deep breath....and exhale. Do you feel better yet? There's more where that came from, but my sleep aid is distracting me now.
Can I just say I love you - and it's about time you wrote something on your blog.
Post a Comment